Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
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it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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