i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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