do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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