It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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