wanna go halves on a baby?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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