i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
