I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
