my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
