so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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