So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
then he tried to convert me to islam
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
