Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
