Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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