I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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