Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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