I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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