i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
its not stalking. its research.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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