I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
