I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
