God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
