i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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