those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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