my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
