and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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