I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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