Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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