The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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