Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
