he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
