Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
