I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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