I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
