Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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