By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
