When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
