Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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