I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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