there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
