I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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