I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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