Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
