Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
