But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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