Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My dick has a subreddit
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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