Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
