hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
