he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
