I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
