It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
