Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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