I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
