my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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