apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
