I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
