we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
