I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
