You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
