I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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