no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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