Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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