No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
