I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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