I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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