that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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