My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
