i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
