using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
