im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
