Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
