we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
