We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
