yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize