Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
