I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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